Wednesday, February 24, 2010

All True Bible Stories for Children

From the homepage:
Some say that, as a parent, Beth Christian was less than perfect.
Some say that as a moralist, she left something to be desired.
But everyone agrees that she knew how to take the Bible's advice -- very, very literally

All True Bible Stories for Children is a record of Biblical lessons, passed from Beth Christian to her daughter. Atheists may find them humorous, some Christians may find them confusing, but it is devoutly hoped that all will find enlightenment therein.

From the intro:
Beth was every biographer's dream, a living collection of entertaining childhood reminisence. Like Scheherezade, Beth related story after fascinating story from her youth, never asking for more than dinner and perhaps a movie in return. Over the years that Beth and I maintained our unusual relationship, I learned a great deal about her formative years, and about the woman who made Beth the fascinating, introspective woman she is today -- her mother, Eve.

To Eve, scripture was the end-all and be-all of spiritual guidance, morality, and practical wisdom. Like her mother before her, Eve turned to her Bible whenever she was faced with a dilemma, and she never failed to find a solution in those holy words.

Eve didn't rely on religious leaders or so-called "scholars" for her interpretation of God's truth. She knew that every letter of every syllable of every word in the Bible was put down just as the Lord intended it to be, and that anyone on a first-name basis with the Holy Spirit can feel their true meaning in their heart.

From Genesis 19:30-38 (The Story of Lot's Daughters):
One day, Lot and his two daughters moved out of Zoar to live in the mountains, because he was afraid to live in town.

One night, the older daughter said to the younger one, "Our father is old and there are no men around to put their penises in us. Let's get our father drunk so that we can get him to put his penis in us and make babies grow in our tummies."

. . .

"To God," Beth's mother told her, "children are the most important thing. It doesn't matter how a baby starts growing in a woman's tummy. Having sex when one of the people is drunk is much better than never having a baby grow in a woman at all."

No comments: